Have you ever argued with your partner and felt like you’re speaking two different languages?
Like no matter how much you love them, they just don’t feel it?
This is more common than we think — and often puzzling for both people involved.
That’s because we all speak different love languages. Yet, most of us instinctively give love in the way we want to receive it… not necessarily how the other person needs it.
If you’ve never heard of this concept, I highly recommend the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It opened my eyes and helped me understand not just my own needs, but also the invisible emotional needs of the people around me.
The 5 Types of Love Languages
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
We each have a dominant love language — and it’s different for everyone.
My Love Language
For me, my top love language is Receiving Gifts, followed closely by Physical Touch.
When people hear that, they often assume I’m materialistic. But that’s a huge misunderstanding. It’s not about expensive things. A handwritten card, my favorite instant noodles, or a thoughtful little surprise — these small tokens mean the world to me. It’s not the item… it’s the care and thought behind it that makes me feel loved.
As for Physical Touch, something as simple as a warm hug after an argument can melt all my walls. That closeness… it’s healing.
Understanding the Other Languages
For someone whose love language is Words of Affirmation, saying “I love you,” “I appreciate you,” or even just a heartfelt “thank you” can deeply fill their heart.
If your partner’s love language is Acts of Service, then doing the laundry, preparing a meal, or making their coffee can mean more to them than any grand romantic gesture.
And for those who value Quality Time, just spending uninterrupted time together — whether it’s watching a movie, taking a walk, or simply chatting without distractions — is what makes them feel loved.
So Why Do We Keep Missing the Mark?
It seems like it should be so simple, right? Just figure out your partner’s love language and express love in that way. So why do so many people keep giving love the wrong way?
It’s because we’re still wired to give love based on our needs, not theirs.
That’s why I strongly encourage you to read The 5 Love Languages. It’s not just about romantic relationships — it can change how you connect with your children, your friends, even your parents.
Especially when it comes to parenting… giving the wrong love language can unintentionally create emotional wounds in a child that follow them into adulthood.
A Personal Reflection
My mother’s love language was Quality Time. When we were young, she would take us out often — that was her way of showing love. Mine, on the other hand, was Gifts and Touch.
My mum did give us gifts, but mostly only during special occasions. And as a traditional Chinese family, physical touch wasn’t part of our norm. So growing up, I only felt loved in certain moments… but it wasn’t a consistent kind of love that matched my emotional needs.
In my younger years, I kept seeking love outside of myself — especially from my partners. I didn’t know what love really meant, and I went through many difficult relationships. It wasn’t until I reached my 40s, after countless heartbreaks, that I began to understand what self-love truly means.
Why I’m Writing This
I know I’m not alone. Many of us who grew up in the same generation carry similar wounds — unspoken, unhealed, deeply embedded in the inner child within us.
If we don’t face and heal these wounds, we risk carrying them all the way to our deathbeds… never knowing what it means to love or be loved fully.
But here’s the good news: we are the generation that can break the cycle.
A Message for Parents of Today
If you are a parent, you hold the power to raise children who are emotionally aware, confident, and whole. But it requires a shift.
The children being born today are not the same as we were. They’re a different breed — more intuitive, more sensitive, more aware.
They need a new kind of parenting. One that’s attuned, creative, and willing to meet them where they are.
For example, if your child’s love language is Quality Time, but all you ever give them are toys and gadgets, they might grow up feeling unloved, even though you gave them so much. What they wanted wasn’t stuff — it was you.
Let’s not miss the opportunity to love our children — and our partners — in the way their hearts truly understand.
Learning to speak the right love language is one of the simplest, yet most powerful, ways to create deep, lasting emotional bonds.
And it all begins with awareness.
My Recommended Read: The 5 Love Languages
If this blog resonated with you and you’re curious to dive deeper into understanding how love is given and received — I highly recommend reading The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This book changed the way I understand relationships, both romantic and familial.
It’s a simple yet powerful guide to healing emotional misunderstandings and building deeper connections.
👉 Click here to get your copy on Amazon
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Love & Light
Kai
LovEnlight WithOut 
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